Growing up, my dad had a mantra that shaped my entire childhood: nothing was ever enough. He was driven by the belief that no matter how well you were doing, there was always room to improve — to push further, achieve more, and never settle. While this mindset can sometimes be motivating, for me, it was often an exhausting, never-ending quest for perfection that always felt just out of reach.
I used to imagine scenarios that would play out in our home if I achieved something remarkable. I’d think to myself, What if I brought home an Olympic gold medal? My dad’s response would probably be something like, “That’s brilliant, really good,” followed by handing it back to me with the words, “Now, you need to defend it.” For him, success was never a finish line; it was just another starting point for the next challenge.
It wasn’t that he didn’t recognize when I was doing well. In fact, he always acknowledged my achievements. But the acknowledgment was fleeting. Good wasn’t good enough — it was just proof that I could do better.
Perfectionism and Motivation: When “Good” Means “Not Enough”
My dad’s drive for perfection wasn’t born out of criticism for the sake of criticism. He believed that by pushing me (and others around him), he was instilling a sense of motivation, resilience, and excellence. He wanted to inspire constant improvement, to never stop at “good enough.” His perspective was that if you were already doing well, you had the potential to do even better, and it was his role to keep that fire burning.
However, while this relentless pursuit of perfection may work for some people, it also has its downsides. My dad’s unwavering belief in constant improvement often crossed the line from being motivating to being overwhelming. The message I internalized was that no matter what I achieved, there was always something more I should be doing. There was no room for rest or celebration — only the pressure of the next goal looming over me.
This was especially challenging for me as a child because I am dyslexic, and my dad, ironically, was a teacher specializing in the teaching of reading. He wanted to help me, and I knew that his intentions were good, but his relentless approach often left me feeling defeated instead of empowered.
Pushing Past the “Sweet Spot”
One of the clearest memories I have of my dad’s perfectionism revolves around him trying to help me with my reading. I was struggling, but thanks to his guidance, I began improving. He’d work with me, encouraging me to read faster and faster. And while his efforts were helping, I distinctly remember one particular day when we went past the point of success and into frustration.
I had reached what I like to call the sweet spot — that moment where I was doing well and starting to feel good about it. I could sense that I had made real progress, and I was proud of myself. But my dad wasn’t satisfied. He kept pushing, urging me to read even faster, to improve just a little more.
That’s when my mom stepped in. She could see that we’d passed the sweet spot and told my dad to ease off, to let me bask in the success I had already achieved. But my dad wouldn’t. He kept pushing, and eventually, I broke down in tears.
I remember feeling frustrated, not just because I was being pushed too hard, but because I felt like I had been robbed of the chance to feel good about what I had achieved. As a dyslexic child who struggled with reading, any opportunity to feel proud of my progress was invaluable. But instead of walking away feeling like I had accomplished something, I left that experience feeling defeated.
The Importance of Celebrating Small Wins
That memory of being pushed past my breaking point has stuck with me for years, but it has also taught me something incredibly valuable. While my dad’s relentless pursuit of perfection often left me feeling inadequate, it also instilled in me the importance of celebrating small wins.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that it’s okay to be proud of where I am, even if I’m not at the pinnacle of success. You don’t need to be the best to feel good about your progress. In fact, it’s essential to stop and appreciate how far you’ve come, rather than constantly looking ahead to how much further you need to go.
This doesn’t mean that I’ve abandoned the idea of improvement or that I no longer push myself to do better. Quite the opposite — I still value growth and progress. But now, I’ve learned to embrace the journey rather than obsess over the destination. I take the time to celebrate the small victories along the way, no matter how minor they may seem in the grand scheme of things.
For me, it’s not about being the biggest fish in the pond. I’ve found peace in being a small fish in a big pond, recognizing that even small accomplishments deserve to be acknowledged and celebrated.
Finding Balance: Motivation Without Perfectionism
Looking back, I understand why my dad pushed so hard. His goal was to motivate, not to tear me down. But what he didn’t realize was that perfectionism can sometimes be counterproductive. Instead of motivating me to do better, it often left me feeling like I was never good enough.
It’s a tricky balance — pushing yourself to improve without falling into the trap of perfectionism. But I’ve learned that it’s possible to strive for growth without constantly feeling inadequate. It’s possible to celebrate your wins, no matter how small, while still setting goals for the future. The key is to focus on progress, not perfection.
If there’s one lesson I’ve taken from my dad’s relentless charge for perfectionism, it’s that growth and success are not defined by being the best. They are defined by recognizing your strengths, celebrating your improvements, and knowing when to give yourself permission to rest and feel good about what you’ve achieved.
Embracing Imperfection and Small Wins
My dad’s pursuit of perfection taught me many things. It taught me the value of hard work, the importance of resilience, and the idea that there is always room for improvement. But it also showed me the danger of setting perfection as the goal — an unattainable standard that can rob you of the joy that comes from progress.
Now, as I reflect on those experiences, I’ve learned to take a different approach. Instead of chasing perfection, I celebrate the small wins. Instead of being consumed by what I haven’t achieved yet, I focus on the progress I’ve made. And in doing so, I’ve found a healthier, more fulfilling way to grow.
So, here’s to the small wins, to being the small fish in a big pond, and to embracing the journey — imperfections and all.