Your shoes are tied tight, but not too tight, and a crisp autumn air hovers above the race. Your breath wisps in and out of your mouth like a horse in her stable. The runners in front of you look strong and fast, and they have the latest shoes and gear.
When the race begins, you settle into your cadence, knowing if you stick to it you will finish the race with a personal best. You have settled among the top three runners in the first few kilometers, but after the fourth kilometer, runners begin passing you.
The ancient impulse to chase runs through your blood. Thoughts of your cadence and your personal best compete with thoughts of the runners in front of you and your desire to catch up. This age-old dilemma of competition against oneself and competition against others finds its way into sports, workplaces, relationships, and families.
The Age-Old Pull of CompetitionÂ
If you are human, then you have certainly found yourself in competition with others at some point in your life. Competition against others may have arisen in a “friendly” game of Monopoly or at a national competition. There is no shortage of encouragement for this type of behaviour. Sports, movies, music, social media, and workplaces can all encourage competing against others. We live in a dog-eat-dog world, as they say.Â
For many years, I was lost in competition with others. Mostly I fought to be the best athlete and the best student. I am not here to disparage competition with others because, when I look back on my life, many of my major accomplishments were achieved through competition against others. Like runners in front of me, competing against others encouraged me to run a little faster, and I ended up running faster than I ever would have if it were just me in the race. However, in hindsight, I also see the harm competition with others has caused and ultimately its impact on my happiness.
Athletes know they risk injury when they push beyond their body’s capabilities. Yet, that is exactly what competition with others asks of us. We all have our own pace, but by focusing on others, we sometimes push beyond that pace to keep up. You might finish the race in first place, but you could also finish the race with a torn hamstring.
Competitive injuries arise in our relationships as well. Trying to outdo our friends, coworkers, or partners leads to injured communication and connection. Competition with others creates a paradox.
We strive to be the best so hopefully others will love and accept us, but the more we compete with those around us, the more we drive a wedge between us and them.Â
There is nothing inherently wrong with competition against others. As I have said, competing against others allowed me to achieve things I do not think I would have achieved without others to compete against.
That said, if your goal is to live a happier life, then learning to compete against oneself rather than others is an excellent practice.ÂÂ
At Happiness Management, self-competition means gradual self-improvement in areas scientifically shown to increase happiness and overall wellbeing. Our purpose is not to help you become the happiest person to ever live, or even to be happier than your friends and neighbours. Instead, our goal is to help you break personal records in your own unique happiness score.