There’s a saying that resonates with me: you can only have one worst day of your life. I’ve had many bad days, as we all have, but only one stands out as the absolute worst. It’s the day that forever changed my world, and it’s a day that I carry with me every moment. I’m sharing this story not only as a reflection on my experience but also as a way to explore how we can find resilience, even in the face of overwhelming grief.
The Moment That Marked My Worst Day
I can pinpoint the worst day of my life down to a single moment, a moment that etched itself into my mind with painful clarity. That day, I was with my two children in a hospice room, shortly after my wife had passed away. It was a moment of raw, unfiltered grief, and leaving that room felt like leaving a part of myself behind.
My daughter’s words that day will always stay with me. As we were about to leave, she said, “I don’t want to leave her; it feels wrong.” And she was right. It did feel wrong. How do you walk away from someone you’ve loved so deeply? How do you step back into a world that keeps moving, even though your heart is frozen in time? That moment, that singular event, was the worst day of my life.
It’s hard to think about that day, even now, without tears welling up. But it’s important to talk about it, to acknowledge that the worst days happen, and to understand that while the pain may never fully go away, there are ways to keep moving forward.
Grief Lingers, But So Does Life
The day after my wife passed away, I found myself at my son’s place. In the background, the song “Best Day of My Life” by American Authors was playing. It was ironic, to say the least. As I listened to the upbeat tune, I turned to my son and said, “Am not.” It was clear to both of us that this was far from my best day. But what he said in response caught me off guard. He simply replied, “But it’s not your worst.”
And he was right. It wasn’t my worst day, because that had already passed. This moment, no matter how difficult, was not as devastating as the day before. This was a small but powerful reminder that, even in the depths of grief, not every day is the worst day. Some days, despite the pain, are just days.
Avoiding Catastrophizing and Slowing Down the Mind
Grief has a way of distorting our perception of time and experience. When we are in the thick of it, it’s easy to feel like every bad moment is catastrophic, as if we’ll never escape the pain. Our minds can spiral, and this is where the brain’s amygdala — the part responsible for fear and survival — plays a role. The amygdala loves to protect us, but in doing so, it often amplifies our anxiety and makes everything feel worse than it is.
However, reminding ourselves that “this is not the worst day of my life” can be a helpful way to quiet the amygdala and slow down those runaway thoughts. It’s a way to bring perspective to our experience, allowing us to cope more effectively. The worst day has already happened, and while things may feel bad, they are not as devastating as the day you survived before. This mindset helps us avoid catastrophizing — the mental habit of imagining the worst possible outcomes.
Finding Resilience in Remembrance
Grief doesn’t follow a straight line, and there’s no right or wrong way to cope with it. For me, remembering the worst day of my life is painful, but it’s also a reminder of how far I’ve come since that moment. Each day after the worst day is a testament to resilience, to the fact that even when life feels unbearable, we continue to live. And in living, we find ways to heal, however slowly.
There’s something empowering in recognizing that you’ve already survived your worst day. Even in the darkest times, this awareness gives you strength. It helps you manage the pain and gives you the space to breathe, knowing that, at least for today, you are still standing.
Moving Forward Without Forgetting
None of this means that the pain of losing my wife has disappeared. Far from it. The worst day of my life will always be with me, a scar that I carry, but also a reminder of the depth of love I experienced. But life keeps moving, and I move with it, slowly but surely. There will be other hard days, other moments of grief, but each of those will fall short of the absolute worst.
By reminding myself that today is not the worst day, I can take a step back, breathe a little easier, and focus on what’s in front of me rather than getting lost in the overwhelming waves of emotion. It’s a skill, and it takes practice, but it’s one of the most important ways to keep the mind grounded during difficult times.
Finding Hope Beyond the Worst Day
The worst day of my life was the day I lost my wife. I don’t know if I’ll have another day that feels worse, and I hope I never do. But one thing I’ve learned from that experience is the importance of acknowledging and sitting with the pain while also recognizing that life continues. It’s in this balance — between grief and resilience — that we find a way forward.
By grounding ourselves in the knowledge that “this is not the worst day,” we can manage our emotions and prevent the mind from spiraling into fear and anxiety. The worst day may never leave us, but it doesn’t have to define every day that comes after it. And in that, there is hope.