This is part three of the three stages “To forgive or not to forgive”.
Please read Steps 1 and 2 before step 3.
Step 1 Before we can forgive; finding safety and security.
Step 2 The art of forgiving yourself; Healing and self care.
Step 3 To forgive or not – the third step.
The Art of Forgiveness: To Forgive or Not to Forgive
If you find yourself in this third stage of forgiveness it is worth taking a moment toacknowledge the work you must have done to get here. Hopefully you are now feeling more at peace with what has happened. However, the work is not quite finished because one more important decision lies ahead: to forgive or not.
At Happiness Management, we think of the person being counselled as the captain of their ship and the counsellor as a lighthouse. The counsellor prevents crashes, and lights up the waters for the captain, but steering the ship through the difficult waters of life ultimately falls on the captain’s shoulders. Deciding to forgive, or not, is a decision that can only be made by you, the captain.
Forgiveness allows for growth, a sense of freedom from the past, and an opportunity to repair harmed relationships. On the other hand, you may feel someone is not deserving of your forgiveness andchoosing not to forgive will allow boundaries to stay in place. We are supportive of either choice, but we do advocate against one approach: forgetting.
Too often, forgetting is really repression. Repressing harm is like pushing a beach ball under the water. It might remain submerged for a while but there is no telling when it will come rushing out of the water.
What we encourage is not forgetting but letting go. It is easy to confuse the two. When the harm has been processed and you have worked through the stages of forgiveness then at a certain point it comes time to let go. You allow the past to be in the past and you rejoin the rest of life in the present moment.
At this final stage, we are here to support you whether you choose to forgive, or not. There are advantages to both approaches and it is up to you to decide which direction makes sense for you. It is a personal decision but that does not mean it must be made alone. We are here to support you, on your happiness journey every step of the way.